Sunday, April 27, 2008 ' 12:40 AM
Great, my bros has been in daze for the whole day, ever since dr chan broke the news to us..
THANKS, indeed it is never a GOOD news to me...
I wanted to cry, but i know i cant, sometimes life is about choices, choices u have to make,
well i made mine, GOD forces me to choose it,....
This word, TRY has been ringing in my ears for umpteen times, i seriously dun knw how many times... I HATE THIS WORD ALOT!!! TRY, i TRIED, but any chances of sucess?? i doubt so...
NOW I DECIDED TO EVENTUALLY GIVE UP, I AM JUST SICK AND TIRED....
i need to cry, but i cant cry in front of my bros... URGH...
Tuesday, April 22, 2008 ' 12:39 AM
ok my wknds are gone... TOTALLY GONE....
sat,
went to novena heart medical center to pay a visit to the specialist where dr chan recommended... waited for like 2hrs, faint, joel nearly wanted to die while waiting...in spore, the effienency of seeing the doctor is SLOW.. compared to hk and states, while spore can be rather SLOW at times, but surprise, this doctor that i a currently seeing, is a singaporean, bt god knows that how nice he sound... and not to mention, he is rather good looking, joe thinks so too... and yes my 2bros acc me to the doctor... well, i knw how bad my condition is... so is my family members, but we accepted that how fast my condition has been gg... DWN THE DRAIN... survival on medicine, that makes me gain weight like nobody biz, and that sucks, i seriously HATE THAT...
wanted to go shopping with my 2 bros, we are lacking of clothes.. HAHAH... mum will probably kill me if she ever gg to see this... end up, joe was too tired, joel was lazy and so is joey, who has to mug for her exams that is coming real soon, we decided to head hm then,.... new med, new course, DAMN this isnt getting any right, just when i went hm, joe talk abt the TOPIC, what the doc suggested to us, that is the only way i can survive, bt the COST... OMFG.. I need to seriously consider, is way too much and yes the chances are higher, bt still there are also risks in it...
jumpin q for a new thing, SORRY there is no way that things can be done in a such a way.. >__<
sadly to say, u just have to obey the spore rule.. HOW INFLEXIBLE SG RULE CAN GO!!!
But after that , i decided aft long, well that is my decision... bt i might change... who knws what will happen the nxt moment.... I MIGHT DIE... LOL... seriously aft rubbing with death once... i am nt afraid of what might happen to me.. DEATH is just a PROCESS.. everyone goes thru it, to me is just a matter of time.. ^^
Sun, spend my time at hm
mugging, drama-ing and more dramas and more mugging...
Last Friends, This is one very good jdrama i have to recommend...
1] RYO NISHIKIDO is FREAKING EVERYONE OUT... his character, KUDOS... well done ryo chan, now i finally understand why does the director actually has praises to his character that he portray inside.. SERIOUS IS REALLY GOOD!!! but i still love u ryo... the evil one ^^
2] Ueno Juri, totally different frm her nodame days.... short hair, protraying a les character, KUDOS for her... ^^ i wish she can gain an award for this one... and her name is speical... is call ruka...
3] i have mentioned it to momo and junie... alot of times in fact... i totally detest the hair that eita has inside... UGLY.... i still like eita in orange days... ^^
4] is a very genre of jdrama u have seen, gd script and gd cast...
Zette Kareshi
1] mizushima hiro[he is the senpai in hana kimi] i loved his character inisde... bt i hope that the ending is what i wan....
2] still find mocomichi a little too tall... LOL!!! since like i dont knw when, hmm his gokusen 2 days... he is always out of the way.. bt still he look damn gd in just a grey color jacket and jeans...
3] if u read the comic pls dun compare with the drama, cuz is totally diff in times of the background... =.=
Honey and clover [the jp ver...]
1] i spend half a day watching this drama, i <3 this drama. It make me cried... well i am a crybaby.. bt is really nice... ^^
2] I just realized that my long lost love was inside... was telling momo that i found him.. ok he hasnt been acting for the past 2yrs.. T__T suddenly he appear, i was jumping with joy.. crazy i knw... bt still he is at his early 30s yet still so hot... OMGGG!!! the older the better he look.. ^^
he is called Takashi Kashiwabara ok some of u might nt knw him... but his chi name sure sound very familiar 柏原崇 any rings??
he is the guy who acted in it started with a kiss [again the jp ver] ^^ when i tell momo.. she was like 'bo yuan chong... ' everyone rem his chi name rather den his eng spelling, bt frankly speaking his surname.. HMM hard to rem!!!
3] Kashiwabara, ok his fans call him kassy, plays my fave character in the show... mature and well so nice... to ayumi.. ^^ I <3 him... mayama is nice too... bt the tw ver is played by xiao zhong.. FAINT!! i rather someone like xiao tian to play mayama... and yes the tw ver of 野宫匠
is chen yu fan... another faint... ok kashiwabara portrays the character too well... cant blame...
overall i am not so looking forward to the tw ver...
sorry long entry.. eyes getting tired...
i am tired too aft a day of econs... that is draining my brain cells.. i still <3 econs... bt i <3 marketing more... ^^
ok get to go to bed...
rumours been spreading ard... pls dun let it to be real...i will probably just kill myself...
suddenly i dun have the urge to see them... jen dun kill me if u are reading this portion... bt still i will go with u ^^
Sunday, April 20, 2008 ' 1:32 AM
有人常說:
" 能活在這個世界是一種幸福"
你能認識到生命中最重要的人
還有你生命中的朋友
這些日子以來﹐ 我一直進進出出醫院﹐
數不清到底來來回回了幾次。。
看到大哥和二哥來回﹐ 從工作中趕到醫院那副很疲倦的樣子看了都好心疼﹐
媽媽也是一樣﹐
雖然他們都從不埋怨一心一意的想要治好我的病﹐
但看到他們那樣真的很不忍心
也因此這樣讓我累了也厭倦一直來回醫院跑
有好幾次想放棄也好﹐這樣的結果對大家都好
但我想老天要我多活個幾十個月吧^^
這是我的好朋友王志學說的^^
我快考試了﹐哥哥們每晚都陪我熬夜
就為了確定我沒事才肯去睡覺
這些苦我都受了﹐ 不再埋怨老天為何要那麼對我﹐
志學常說因為他要變天使所以他要鍛煉我﹐
我看到的時候哈哈大笑﹐ 我回答說天使﹐
應該是惡魔吧。。 ^^
人都會經過生老病死﹐ 這是一個過程任誰不沒法避免﹐
我接受這一切
但我只是需要多點時間
去完成我想要做的事
這點要求不算多?
所有在讀這篇留言的話﹐
我想要對你們說
謝謝你在我生命中留下最美的一道彩虹
我會永遠記得 ^^ 謝謝﹗﹗﹗
Friday, April 18, 2008 ' 11:44 PM
oh great, i just got discharge like on thursday aft HIGH FEVER...
and now i am muggin my life off for my upcoming exams... HOW GREAT CAN MY LIFE BE..
Econs and Marketing is within a WEEK... THANKS... this is how sucks my life can be when my major papers are TAKING A HELL OUT OF ME.... GREAT...
The doc doesnt like to give me gd news, always a bad news... THANKS... GOD, why must u treat me like that... [ranting my life off again with THE COMPLAINTS] bt still i dont blame U...
my med course is cut dwn till to the dosage... IS WAY TOO HEAVY FOR ME.... >__<
EXAMS, MEDICINE.. I WISH I ONCE A HEALTHY GIRL....
[just today, i ask him, can i pass my 23bday, his expressions gave me the ans, maybe yes maybe no... ]
DEPRESSED and STRESS,
DAMN IT, I HATE MYSELF....
Monday, April 14, 2008 ' 11:25 PM
Came across this song where lingfang send it to me... seriously is the lyrcis that make me cry...
世界中いくつの
愛の形あるんだろう
一人一人 違うものを
抱えながら生きてる
家族や友達や
同じゴール見る仲間
みんながいて 支え合って
今の私がいるの
いつも側にあった大切なもの
気づかずにいた事知った
自分の為だけに
生きるのは寂しい
せっかくこの世界に生まれたんだから
Everybody have to say good-bye
それならいくつもの
笑顔をあなたにあげたい
小さな頃見てた
新しいものたちが
今ではもう 当たり前に
なってしまってるけど
時が経つにつれて
目に映るもの全て
変わってゆく 壊れてゆく
でも記憶はそのまま
暗闇の中 見つけた星たちは
まだ心の中で光る
自分の痛みより
あなたに伝えたい
何十億人もの中出会えたから
Everybody have to say good-bye
だからこそ素直に
たくさん笑顔を見せたい
限られた時の中で
ah 何かできるだろう
どんなに悲しい事 辛い事も
必ず笑顔に変えるから
きっと…
Everybody needs somebody's love
愛が必要なの
愛される事でまた笑顔になれるから
Everybody wants to be happy
あなたの幸せを
祈りながら私は歌ってる
This is the English translation
How many forms of love
are there in this world?
Everybody is holding on
to different things living in this world
Family and friends andcompanions
with the same goal
Because of everyone
thats why I am here today
Always been important side
He learned the old unawares
It is lonelyto live only for yourself
Since I was born into this world
Everybody have to say good-bye
So I hope to bring youcountless smiles
Since watching things when I was little
New thingshave already been granted
I lay in themAs time goes by
Though all eyesare changed and broken,
Memory is intact
The stars that were found in the
glow in the mind
Because my pain
I want to tell
The billions of people I meet
Everybody have to say good-bye
That's why meekly
I want to smile a lot
In a limited time
What can be done
No matter how tragic or tough it gets
It will turn into happiness in the end
Definitely…
Everybody needs somebody's love
Love is necessary
Because being loved by things can let you smile again
Everybody wants to be happy
I pray for your happiness as I sing
imeem wont allow me to upload the song... SAD....
well my jp trip is a gone case...
my bros wont allow me to go partially is because of my health...
DISAPPOINTED I AM... IN FACT I AM VERY SADDDDDDDDD!
well, i shall not brood over it, it dosent help anyway...
i shall cont to muggin... EXAMS IS COMING REAL SOON!!!
and there is alot for me to catch up....
Saturday, April 12, 2008 ' 10:52 PM
Health these days is really terrible... i keep getting fainting spells.... In and out of the Hospital...
The smell of the hospital makes me want to puke.... I really HATE THE SMELL OF IT!!!
Just today when i was about to return hm... i nearly fainted... Thank god, i managed to make it hm, if nt i will be seeing myself waking up I dont knw??? Hospital??
I called up Doc Chan, well i think he is getting to used to my calling.... I had get my butt back to the hospital for a checkup [ AS USUAL] DAMN, this Life isnt RITE.....
well i shld stop ranting..... I SHLD.... ZX said i been complaining too much, and that makes me a very naggy lady... =.=
Bt all i wan to say: buddy thanks for being there, whenever i need someone... THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!!! as for that qn u poppped, i am sorry i wont have an ans to that , u shld knw the reason behind that... BT nonetheless u are one of the bestest friends on earth that i could ever ask for... OK juz in case QY reads this entry... PAL U ARE ONE TOO... thanks for the presents u bought, I LOVE It!!! thanks ^^
Sunday, April 06, 2008 ' 12:28 AM
FINALLY!!!
i was so worried when i read abt mel blog, she had a fall in hk while attending theresa function.... T__T bt den it was ok... she juz had some scratches.. ^^ take care k...
had so much fun talking to hannah and mel on the phone... and thanks hannah for replying kev in such a way u muz have left him speechless... LOL... bt yes kev i am much better thanks for ur concern... ^^
The girls were having so much fun back there.... I wish i was there too... spazzing all abt the idols and shopping... hannah died at 旺角中心, hahah... well basically there... is a mini bugis street.... the cheapest buy ever... i died there each time i go back.. a MUST GO PLACE...
well they are back aft 5days... counting frm today.. cant wait for them to return, and their stories, and maybe my claypot rice??? LOL!!!
THANKS KEVIN... i REALLY APPRECIATE UR THOUGHTS... SWEET SWEET SWEET
Saturday, April 05, 2008 ' 6:53 PM
Till now, i havent get over to his death... the loss of a friend... Everything seems so unreal to me... till then, when we meet, i hope i will be smiling at u...
ZX was really nice to accompany me thru the funeral... he was there and i appreciate that alot... THANKS ALOT!!!
counting the fact that QY is in bangkok for a family trip,but he sends his care and concern thru the masses of sms he send since the day he left spore.. he was upset that he cant be there for me.. nvm pal i understand... ^^ juz rem to buy my presents back... if nt u will be so dead... ^^
And today zhixue send me an email... a poem on a lost friend and also an email abt friends that is alive... thanks buddy... while reading the email, i cried... we went thru alot... and he is gone.,.. bt no matter what i knw he will be blessed and deeply missed....
this is how the poem go
The Forever Friend
by Artur Hawkwing
On my own, but mostly the savannah,
Where the tumbleweeds fade away and die,
Before the glassy sun burns a summer of crystals,
The glistering waters of the high seas
Of which was so far a place as of where vultures roam.
I looked around but you weren't anywhere...
You used to say that you would never die,
But I took the wrong meaning into my heart.
Now the sea is wild with despair,Deep blue like a prairie of flowers blue,
Where all children of God rest in eternal peace.
I saw you at the end,You and I, brother and sister of nature,
Brother and sister of heaven and earth,
Your usually calm and heavenly eyes full of tears,
Bitterly falling one after one into a river,
Then the river of life turned red in blood.
My eyes watched in horror.
Slowly and deadly your heart became poisoned,
You disappeared without saying good-bye,
Not a word came out of your mouth.
You became like desolation in its grave.
When once the skies were a realm of stars
And the sun shone brightly in summer skies,
You were there to share the calmness;
But now I stand here in midst of the tall grass
And only the savannah remains.
isnt that meaningniful... it really make me cry alot!!!
and this one... i burst out crying...
By Your Side
by Ruwaida Van Doorsen
It hurts to know you’re hurting
Because you’re so special in my heart
The pain that you are feelingI
s tearing me apart
But know that love has a way
Of easing all that’s wrong
Together we can make it
If we hold on and just be strong
Know that you’re not alone
In all your adversity
For by your side through and through
Is where I’ll always be
THANKS BUDDY... I <3 u!!!
AND I WILL CONT TO HEED UR ADVICE AND BOTHER U AS OFTEN AS I CAN...
this week health went frm bad to worst....
counting the fact that the num of times i fainted on streets and home is COUNTLESS...
once one of my fren said:
sorry joey we cant do anything bt to see u suffer...
i cried... maybe she means well to me.. bt it hurts alot...
suffer is all i am bearing it myself... all by myself...
working hard to keep myself survive... waking up either in the hospital or at hm
nt knowing where will i be in the nxt moment, how pathetic...
is really sad huh...
I don't blame anyone, nt even GOD...
Cause there's no one to blame..
pple beside me say, work hard, cont to work hard, u will make it eventually...
i knw myself well... is never gg to be cure... NV... the only way is to have the heart changed...
How slim is the chance... how long will i have to wait... no1 knws... nt even the doctor,
he himself cant give me an ans of when will have the chance..
all now i wan frm GOD is TIME... will he grants my wish...
Just for once... I AM ONLY ASKING FOR TIME... that is all i want...
Wednesday, April 02, 2008 ' 5:23 PM
i am much better now...
talked to a couple of my close frens, crying it out, i feel so much better
to my fren who is up there, u are finally free frm the pains and sufferings... ^^
no more med, no more jabs and no more checkup isnt that great
i wish i can too... no med, no jabs no checkup
just ytd, one of my fren told me, wheather happy or sad, i still have to live with it
this is LIFE, sometimes it makes one suffers alot bt it does make one stronger....
seriously when i knew the fact that he is gone, i was thinking why do i fight so hard when at the 1st place i knew that i cant be cured...
my med bills is scary, seeing my bros shuttling between work and hospital and my mum too... my aunt has to take really good care of me... nt wanting me to suffer, i knew that i cant cry....
it juz makes them worry... T__T bt bottling up this feelings is nt what i wan... i wan to cry...
shoulder to lean on, HARD... i dun wan any sympathy.... I DUN NEED IT ANYWAY!!!
treating me like a patient, be careful whenever i am nt feeling well.. well some might not know, this feelings actually sucks BIG TIME...
now i am in the 3rd course of my med,... this course is much heavier, effects, i lost weight, my hair is dropping too... and yes i lost my appetite.... now i dun eat as much as i used to... that is the side effects of my 3rd course of med... sympathic enough...
meaning of life, seriously i dun knw, i'm still searching it... looking for an ans...
bt now,i am gg to live the way i used to have........ frens if u see me unwell, pls treat me normally...
cuz when i'm gone, i am a happy girl...
pal, u are gone, i missed u so much... aft so long u finally gave up... maybe when my time's up.. we will meet up there rite???
bt till then, U WILL BE DEEPLY MISSED!!!!
Tuesday, April 01, 2008 ' 11:20 AM
今天是4月1號 ﹐ 愚人節
但在凌晨的5點25分﹐ 我的手機一直在狂向這
心裡剛開始一直在想誰會在那個時間打給我
看了來電顯示 是醫院打來的我心理想不會有事的
接的時候果然是和我想的一樣 他走了
天啊﹐ 當時我不知道是如何清醒的只知道一直哭一直哭
我和他患有一樣的病 這病說真的很難醫
他和病魔糾纏了4年才決定離開了
我和他認識沒有很久 1年的時間了吧
聊的話題 有很多 或許是因為我們了解到我們和別人不同
一直鼓勵給我鼓勵的是他 但他的離開是不是在暗示我的時間也不多了
我開始討厭愚人節了﹐也開始討厭每天的吃藥的苦
這樣的生活還能繼續多久 我很厭倦了